'You're asking for trouble': Dad buys milkshake for 10-year-old after dentist visit, mom claims it's 'unfair' to their 7 and 8-year-old kids

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JR Atkinson • Writer and Editor
Mar 9, 2025 4:00 PM EDT

Life isn't fair. This is a rule that it is best to learn early and to learn often. You can't always expect to get the same thing as everyone else. You learn this extra early if you have siblings. You might see that your parents were probably stricter with the first child than they are with the second. You might notice that your sibling is taller or more attractive than you, or has more friends. Maybe you're smarter than your sibling and get better grades. Even though you technically have the same genes and the same upbringing. Nothing is totally even in life. If you split a cookie down the middle, odds are one side has more chocolate chips. 

This is important to learn so you can develop self-esteem. Even though not everything is fair, everyone should be equal. If you learn the difference, it's easier to understand. This is the job of parents to do. 

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  • 01
    Cheezburger Image 10476541440
    via Unsplash+ (Getty Images)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • How far down does this idea extend, though? Does it apply to the little things, like treats or toys? Kids are famously sensitive to inequality when it comes to these topics. That's the situation one dad found himself in when he bought a milkshake for his child. Read on for the details and see what you think.

  • 02

    AITA for buying a treat for my oldest daughter but not her younger brother and sister?

    My (39m) wife (40f) and I have three children (10f, 8m, 7f.) A few afternoons ago our oldest had a dentist's appointment, and I agreed to take her while my wife took care of the other two.
    via u/Fearless_Hand_936
  • 03
    Our oldest has always struggled at the dentist. Her mother and I have worked with her on this and we've found a dentist who is really good with kids who are afraid of going to the dentist. She did really well this time; easily the most smooth experience we'd ever had there.
    via u/Fearless_Hand_936
  • 04
    Since she did so well, I decided to reward her on the way home, so I went to a Culver's drive thru and bought her a shake. I got one for myself, as well.
    via u/Fearless_Hand_936
  • 05
    When we got home, my other two children began to complain that they didn't get ice cream, saying that it was "unfair." I told them that this was just how things worked out this day; that their sister had to go through something unpleasant, but that she'd done a good job, and that next time I had to take either of them out for something similar that they'd probably get a treat too.
    via u/Fearless_Hand_936
  • 06
    Later, however--when it was just the two of us--my wife told me that she thought it looked as if I was playing favorites, that of course the other two kids would object, and that I should have bought treats for everyone. But I don't agree; I think it's fine for our kids to realize that just because one kid gets something doesn't always mean they all have to. AITA?
    via u/Fearless_Hand_936
  • 07

    Some commenters sympathized with his logic.

    AliciaBrownSugar • 4d ago NTA. I agree. They need to learn one day that not every thing one person gets, they do too. Are you giving them presents on the others' birthdays too just so they don't throw a fit? I kinda hate that. They are old enough to
    via u/AliciaBrownSugar
  • 08
    learn the answer no. You can't always get what you want, and you can't always get what someone else gets. You probably should have stayed out and finished the shake since you got one for yourself too though and not just the kid. You didn't go through a hard situation. Lol. But I don't think that makes you an AH for treating a kid for doing well.
    via u/AliciaBrownSugar
  • 09
    OldBroad1964 • 4d ago I'm conflicted. I get getting the treat to celebrate. But why bring it home? It's pretty evident that would cause an issue. You should have had it at the place and then come home.
    via u/OldBroad1964
  • 10

    Others questioned why he brought them home.

    Aware_Growth_9785 • 4d ago Why did you bring the shakes home? You're asking for trouble.
    via u/Aware_Growth_9785
  • 11
    rememberimapers... • 4d ago NTA your wife is being weird on this one, your eldest earned that milkshake thru being brave. your wife is not setting your younger kids up for success by making them believe they deserve anything that anyone else has, even though they haven't gone thru the process to earn it
    via u/rememberimapersontoo
  • 12
    Kirstemis 4d ago YTA, partly for taking the shakes home, but mainly for telling your kids that their sister was rewarded for doing something unpleasant. Teaching them to be scared of the dentist isn't clever, and teaching all of them that they should be rewarded for doing basic necessities is setting up long term problems.
    via u/Kirstemis
  • 13
    PhenomWifeandMom . 4d ago NTA. Children need to learn that "fair is not always equal." With that being said, it's expected for young children. to get jealous of others getting treats, so I'd have finished the milkshakes in the car or at the restaurant to avoid the younger children at least having to see the treat if I weren't bringing anything home for them.
    via u/PhenomWifeandMom
  • 14
    PM_ME_S Y_SAN... .4d ago NAH. I definitely get your logic but your kids are on the young side and don't necessarily see the world that way. Next time finish the shakes before you get home and dispose of the evidence so there is no dust-up.
    via u/PM_ME_S***_SANDWICH
  • 15
    milenamilenka • 4d ago . Simple. You don't bring the food to the house if you don't have enough for everyone else if you have multiple kids, especially younger ones. You should have finished your milkshake at the restaurant.
    via u/milenamilenka
  • 16
    No-Method-7736 • 4d ago Rookie move. You finish that sh in the car and get rid of the evidence before going inside! YTA.
    via u/No-Method-7736
  • 17
    Cheezburger Image 10476542464
    via Unsplash+ (Getty Images)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • 18
    Sar... • 4d ago Edited 4d ago . Did you both go home with your shakes and enjoyed them in front of your family or did you share the shakes while just the two of you were away from home and then your daughter told her siblings?
    via u/Sarahfolkl
  • 19
    keepingit55 4d ago NTA. Your children are old enough to understand the reward/consequence process. Your daughter did something you deemed worthy of a reward so she was rewarded. If she had misbehaved and been on punishment, they would not have wanted to share in that. Yes, that makes
    via u/keepingit55
  • 20
    sense because their argument is fair, so to be fair, you share in all things, good or bad, not what you choose. I have 4 kids, ages 10-25, and we taught them early fair is not argument that has much value because life outside of this house will not be fair. We
    via u/keepingit55
  • 21
    treat our children equally and have no favs, you are not entitled to anything and will get what your behavior/work earns, good or bad. If we choose to treat you, fine, say thank you. #UnApologetik
    via u/keepingit55
  • 22
    randomcharacheters · 4d ago NTA. The only way the eldest child can ever have anything of her own is if the parents take it upon themselves to tell their younger kids, "no, you cannot have everything the eldest does."
    via u/randomcharacheters
  • 23
    This needs to be done repeatedly, so everyone learns that eldest is allowed to have her own things sometimes. Otherwise, it's not uncommon to end up with a situation where the youngest kid needs to get presents at everyone else's birthday parties. It's cute when they're little, and it is natural for them to want to imitate older siblings, but they need to be taught boundaries.
    via u/randomcharacheters
  • 24
    DependentAthlete... • 4d ago I can understand that you bought the shake as a reward for your daughter, she went through something unpleasant... fair enough.... But then why do you get one if rest of the kids don't? And then you decide to take those shakes home and enjoy them in front of rest of the family.... Ofcourse YTA!
    via u/DependentAthlete9060
  • 25
    CovidIsolation 4d ago You had good intentions, but you ended up being an a hole. It's great to reward your daughter for going through something hard and doing well. But you messed up when you came home with the milkshakes for only the two of you.
    via u/CovidIsolation
  • 26
    If you had them at the restaurant, and not in front of the rest of your family, not ahle behavior. If you had only gotten your daughter one and come home, that could've been explained as only she got a treat because she had to do something difficult. But you had one too. You didn't do anything to deserve it, like your daughter did. So why couldn't you get some for everyone else?
    via u/CovidIsolation
  • 27
    hello_reddit1234 • 4d ago I understand what you were trying to do but you also need to realise that the outcome of your decision upset your younger children. Now your younger children will have to learn that life isn't fair etc etc but it won't create a harmonious household.
    via u/hello_reddit1234
  • 28
    I would now rectify it by giving each of the younger children a challenge that they can overcome and earn a reward. Then you have been even handed. Whilst I agree that positive reinforcement works, it actively discourages someone else who doesn't fuss about going to the dentist. They get no recognition for it because they didn't complain.
    via u/hello_reddit1234
  • 29
    Going forward, I would tell the child was getting a reward that they get to choose a treat that all children partake in. So she picked milkshakes, they all get milkshakes etc. I would also make sure that each child is getting a fair shot at winning a reward. You want your other children to celebrate each other's success and not be jealous of their success...which is what you did.
    via u/hello_reddit1234
  • 30
    You are a complete AH for buying yourself an ice cream and no one else. I just reread this and realised that's what you did. That you had to come here to ask the question...you need to do some serious self reflection about your selfishness
    via u/hello_reddit1234

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